We can all improve our communication!


  • Is it Thoughtful?
  • Is it Helpful?
  • Is it Intelligent?
  • Is it Necessary?
  • Is it Kind?

and what is the connection and the mindset of the person you are communicating with via text or email, phone or in person? When is the best time to complain to your spouse, co-worker, family member or friend? Thinking about the timing of your complaints can make your communication more effective.


Complaints need to be written down and discussed when you can both be in the proper frame of mind, like an identified problem solving session. Why does it matter? A poorly timed complaint only will get an ineffective response from someone who is emotionally and physically depleted. People under stress are not neurologically able to bring the best answer back to you. You complain, they complain back, the circle of ineffective negativity does not solve the problem, it highlights all the other problems. Texting and emailing is a vehicle to pass along necessary information quickly, it does not really communicate the whole picture. Unless you are talking to someone you do not know how your message will be received. If you want to be effective T.H.I. N. K., if you want to fight, just blabber out your latest irritation placing the need for that expression to be more important than the effectiveness of the message or the relationship.


Some people do not have the ability to connect with the feelings of others .If you have trouble with empathy or EQ then it is always best to buffer your statements with sentences, that indicate your desire to discuss an issue in the future, otherwise, you are likely to appear as a self-righteous, dictatorial person who perceives the recipient as having no value. Relationships are built on trust and mutual respect, until you can begin to affirm each other in that way, then registering complaints will be one battle after another.


As always, the real question we must ask ourselves is if we want to be right or do we really want to communicate. Motivation creeps in to communication whether we want it to or not.  How do you handle communication from those closest to you? Solicitors? And those who wish to connect with you, who you do not wish to connect with currently?


All of us have a preferred method of communication. If you express yourself better in writing, then spend some time on your words if you care about the recipients response. Would you want your message to be read by someone who just received terrible or life threatening news? Why not write it down and then meet with the person and let them read it in your presence.You probably would not want to hit someone at their lowest ebb or maybe you do. Relationships require ongoing time and attention and communication is the number one reason relationships fail.


There are valid reasons to have procedural policies in the workforce for communication and to prevent a hostile work environment. A good team affirms each other, talks about their concerns and plans for how to resolve problems. Good teams also plan for how they will follow through  and follow-up as they communicate. If you want to have a purely functional business relationship, then pull out that smile and warmth you give your barista for your morning coffee and keep it light.

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