Scarred but not broken!

Blue sky

Blue sky

I just finished a 4 day training in experiential therapy techniques led by Dr. Ted Klonz  held at OnSite. The process was gut wrenching, powerful and creative. Having recently completed my CeFT, (Financial Transitionist) course of study and self assessment, I was in a mind set moving forward to apply even more focus on women in transition related to changes in their life that may require financial decisions. Case studies and situation work for clients is very different than Experiential Training.

The only way to really learn Experiential Training in my current view is to take the Deep Dive into  the process of my own issues. Safety is pretty easily established with 10 experienced therapists in the room , but things long hidden, forgotten, stuffed, buried,compensated for and left in that vault of protection were brought right to the surface. That broken, little child in me with so many unanswered questions came to sit right beside me, constantly poking at me. That nasty pot stirring grandmother who made every holiday a nightmare showed up also.

Things happen in childhood that are beyond any parent’s control and a parent can only use the tools they have to cope. Sometimes those tools can not extend to comforting a child. Taking the Deep Dive is not about blaming anyone, it is about feeling and experiencing the pain in your soul. Oh little Charlotte, questions never answered, performance never good enough, this child needed something that could not be provided in my household. Everyone’s pain and wounded inner child showed up. This is sacred work done with great compassion and all I can say is: “WOW, was it worth it”. There was fun and laughter as we gathered for communal food breaks and “played” with props.

Self knowledge and clarity is important as I reach out to help others. We all need to be listened to with out judgement or interruption. So I am all ears and I have an even better understanding of that needy little girl whose father died way too soon. It is so much easier to pile on defenses and judgement, which does not help anyone heal. A therapist, counselor, coach, thinking partner or whatever you call that person you go to for help in tough times has to have done their own work to get to the essence of what is hurting you. Two hundred tools were taught, plus the latest in brain chemistry, but the Deep Dive is what will matter the most in my ability to help others.  I have immersed myself here and in other work (EMDR, spiritual healing, talk therapy, movement therapy and auric healing) in order to bring my best self to the table for all of my clients. I am very happy to report that I have new friends and therapists all over the country, people I have trusted with my deepest wounds and who have trusted me with theirs, so now I have another tribe who accepts and understands me.

The deepest need for all of us is belonging. So with my Al Anon, Sudden Money, NazRudin , Ted Klontz Group tribes in addition to my loyal and faithful friends of 50 years, 40 years, 30 years and my small but mighty family of origin and my ever patient and loving husband, I know I belong and am loved. It is never to late to change your behavior, your spiritual life or heal your wounds. It is never too late to explore who you are and improve your happiness and serenity at a pace that works for you.